Author Archives: berrega

The Cliff

21/03/19 “Standing on the top of a cliff. Wanting to see the bottom of the face. Leaning more and more over. Its always there, but can only be seen when you fall.”

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My second ten day Vipassanā retreat

3/03/19 I’ve just got back from my second 10 day vipassana retreat. I’m feeling rather battered by an experience I can only describe as emotional waterboarding. The last retreat seamed to consist of resisting the process, clock watching, immense physical pain, dealing with mood swings of rage and depression, hallucinations and ecstatic floating and weightlessness. […]

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A week on from my second Zen retreat

17/02/19 Nearly a week on from the Zen retreat, am I back to myself? Well the truth is that I’m never going to know because i’m not sure whats missing or what has changed. The past and the future did disappear and there still pretty much gone. I don’t really remember how i used to […]

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My second intensive Zen retreat

12/02/19 I had decided to keep writing about my exploration into universal truth and the nature of reality but i’m struggling to find the motivation to keep on warbling on about it. The time is coming where I’m going to loose interest in talking about it and that I will simply be unable to do […]

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No self

25/01/19 I started studying kung fu in 2001 which lead on to tai chi around 2004 and eventually to meditation in 2015. That time was peppered with odd bits of Buddhism, Taoism and Zen. A phrase that stuck in my mind was ‘There is no self’. I guess it stuck in my mind because it […]

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Life lessons

23/01/19 Over the last few months I realized that a number of what could possibly be considered life lessons kept on cropping up in the books I was reading. I decided to start keeping a note of them so that I could distill them down. I shall leave them here. One thing that I’ve noticed […]

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My mediation journey

19/01/19 So, the insights gained from my 10 day Vipassanā meditation retreat in Aug 2017 allowed my to put my emotional pain from childhood trauma behind me. As I looked for a new challenge I settled on investigating ‘universal truth and the nature of reality’. So basically the biggest question there is. I hadn’t realized […]

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My personal meditation experiences

4/01/19 By April 2019 i will have been meditating for 4 years. I thought I write a list of my personal experiences over this time – decrease in stress – decrease in fight/flight sensitivity – decrease in anxiety – increase in social confidence – increase in compassion – sudden urge to cry – sudden emergence […]

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The Dark Circus – My second Ayahuasca retreat

18/12/18 “The purple worms lead the way, beckoning and spiraling downwards. The floor gives, the stomach sinks, We fall tumbling into the dark circus. Creeping, seeping, sinking, choking, drowning, smothering blackness of the dark circus. Heavy red and yellow wooden blocks, the play things of hells children. The domain of evil horror clowns. Numbers embossed […]

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Comparing Ayahuasca with Intensive koan work

12/12/18 So I am now in a position to compare a 3 day Ayahuasca retreat with a 3 day intensive zen retreat. Ayahuasca is a flood and a zen koan is an overworked file clerk. When we are children we are high energy expression. We are fearless. We are timeless. We just are. As we […]

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