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The Dark Circus – My second Ayahuasca retreat

18/12/18

“The purple worms lead the way,
beckoning and spiraling downwards.
The floor gives, the stomach sinks,
We fall tumbling into the dark circus.
Creeping, seeping, sinking, choking, drowning, smothering blackness of the dark circus.
Heavy red and yellow wooden blocks, the play things of hells children.
The domain of evil horror clowns.
Numbers embossed on spinning devils dice.
What is it of this twisted madness that is so scary to me?
Sickening, drenching, suffocating of the heavy sick black.
The utter dread and foreboding.
The curse of the dark circus.
Relentless unreality, eternal punishment for crimes unknown.
Help me , free me, save me from this inescapable hell.
Trapped on nausea hooks, heaving to be set free, but there is never any escape from this place.
No safety net, no friendly face, no guardian spirit or comfort nurse to guide you through the dark circus.
Just warping, shifting, changing, spinning, twisting, numbers of the hellish dark circus.
No more, no more.
No mind can take such torture.
No end of praying will make it stop, but the hells dice can be bleached out with white light.
and we can hang on until we are released.
Please, please make it stop.
Please make it stop.
Beaten into submission, tortured, broken, battered, tattered.
Crushed, ground down, chewed up, mashed up, bashed about.
Breaking my mind, my spirit and my body.
Finally the numbers begin to fade, giving rise to sadness, dejection and sorrow.
A treading on the down trodden thing.
A bashing of the bullied thing.
Beaten to a pulp and spat out of the numbers machine
a broken soul.
a living misery.”

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